I hate LAM

Kraemer is working with TechnoServe here in Maputo, but they flew him to check out some chickens up north in Nampula. A fabulous little escape called Ilha de Mocambique is situated just 2hrs from the city, so we made arrangements for me to come meet him in Nampula before shuttling to the island for a weekend in paradise.

But with the good comes the bad. And a verrry long day.

I had requested my (half-day) Friday off and left the house at 6:30 am or so to catch my 8 am flight. I was just a little nervous about being in the airport by myself, even though I knew it was small, and when I got there, I was, well, lost. I thought I’d found the check-in area for domestic flights, but as I scanned the signs – Tete, Beira, Chimoio – my final destination was nowhere to be found. I asked an attendant stationed at the entrance (doing absolutely nothing), who didn’t have an answer for me. I meandered around the airport looking for additional counters. Surely I was just missing something obvious. When I stumbled upon the LAM customer service desk, it took about five full minutes of scanning through the computer for them to find information about my flight.

I should have known right away that I was in for it when it took so long for her to tell me my flight time. Finally, she heaved a sigh, stood up and walked outside her glassed-off cube to explain to me that my flight wasn’t leaving until 9:40.

Sure, I wasn’t happy, but I thought I could just wait. And then came the real news. No, no, my flight wasn’t delayed, it was CANCELED. And I wasn’t leaving at 9:40 AM, I was leaving at 9:40 PM.

Back to work.

They told me to come back by 7:30pm and everyone at work agreed – you never know when they’ll give away your spot.

7:30PM I arrived on time, found the right counter and made it through security in three minutes flat. I’d planned to carry-on but as I was about to walk away the lady told me my bag looked too heavy and made me check it. I had kept my money with me of course but forgot I’d left my camera in the top pocket. Crossed my fingers.

7:33PM Plop into an entirely uncomfortable plastic chair and amuse myself by staring at the other foreigners.

8:36PM Woman beside me wonders aloud when we’ll board and where, given the place has no signs and no attendants to be seen. Proceed to enter into long conversation covering topics ranging from dining options in Maputo to dating practices in the U.S.

9:10AM Attempt to board the flight flying from Maputo to Nampula to Pemba, given that my ticket doesn’t say anything about a layover in Beira, though apparently there is. The woman I’d been chatting with tries, too, and we both got nasty glares and an earful. Something about our stupidity, I'm sure. But this woman actually spoke Portuguese and was lost, so you can see how I'd be confused.

9:20PM First plane departs. Excuse me?! You mean there was an EARLIER, DIRECT flight, and you didn’t put me on it when my flight got canceled?

9:30PM Told we’ll board at 9:40.

9:40PM Absolutely no boarding.

10:00PM Nothing. Bar closes.

10:30PM Nothing. Try talking to anyone wearing anything airport or airline related, even if it’s one of the luggage truck drivers. Everyone stares down at their toes and giggles before walking away.

11:00PM Every time an announcement looked imminent, a cameraman who happened to be on the flight would whip out his black box and scare the poor little messengers into dark corners. Finally someone announces that we’ll leave at midnight and that they’re planning to serve us dinner in the airport. A couple of Mozambicans are outraged and demand an explanation. I didn’t hear the response first hand, but rumors circulated that because the plane itself was 10 minutes late in landing, the first contracted crew had walked out, and the ensuing delay was due to lengthy negotiations with a new crew.

12:40AM Five hours later, and I’m finally on a plane.

3:30AM Land in Nampula

3:36AM Wake up in a cold sweat on the airplane floor with about four heads hovering above me. Whether from stress or dehydration or blood rushing from my head when I sat up abruptly, I had blacked out. The girl who’d been sitting across from me was hold my legs in the air, and one of the flight attendants rushed to get me some sugar water as soon as I came to. I’d felt myself going and waved frantically as we taxied down the runway; they must have unbelted me and got me to the floor after I’d slumped over. One of the airport workers escorted me inside.

3:42AM Checked my luggage at the baggage claim. No camera. No phone charger. Well, dang.

4:06AM Checked into the hotel in Nampula – we’d canceled our reservations on the Island.

Good thing the Island was amazing. I hate LAM.